There’s a lot of baggage that comes with the topic of DM conversations, right? It’s one of those polarizing subjects that people love to post about on our social media feeds. So, if we’re thinking about using a DM strategy, we have a bias towards noticing people talking about that type of content themselves. And that’s when we run into comments like, “Oh, I can’t bear it when people jump in my DMs and pitch me.” “It’s so spammy, and I can’t believe that even works.”

We hear a lot of judgment about DMs, which essentially boils down to us worrying about what other people think of a specific strategy.

If we’re feeling hung up on, “Can I do it? Is it awkward?” a big part of that is usually our concern about how it will be received by other people. So if that’s you, here’s why we’re not buying into that belief that DM conversations are gross, sleazy, spammy, salesy, manipulative, disrespectful, invasive, or any of the other adjectives you may hear being leveled against the whole strategy of DM outreach:

The first point is that those who are complaining about complete strangers or brand new connections leaping into the DMs to immediately pitch them are talking about cold DMing, cold pitching. Yes, you’ve experienced it; a brand new connection or somebody you’re not even connected to yet will like a bunch of your posts, send a friend request, and immediately, at least with me, it’s always appointment setters. They say, “So we can get you 30 sales calls every week.” And I’m like, “God, no, please. That’s the last thing I want. I would hate to have 30 sales calls a week.” No, that’s not the kind of DMing we are talking about. And I can guarantee that if you are concerned, if you’re the kind of person who wants to be ethical, respectful, polite, there’s no chance that you’re going to veer into the manipulative, sleazy, spammy, salesy kind of territory?

This isn’t about cold DMing. This is about initiating conversation with people in your audience instead of waiting for other people to go first. It’s about being proactive in creating opportunities.

Now, ultimately, yes, attraction marketing is what we are all about learning. That’s why we’re in the business of refining our messaging and positioning. Inbound leads—getting people messaging us to talk about working together—is the grail we are seeking. And we know that at least in the early stages, at least now, while we’re figuring all that messaging out and putting the evergreen marketing systems in place and so on, at least for now, there is going to be a shortfall between the number of inbound leads you’re receiving and the impact and number of clients and money you want to make. And those are opportunities. It’s on us as business owners to find and create those opportunities.

Posting on social media alone is not enough; that’s not a marketing strategy. Posting on social media and emailing is not enough. Consistent content isn’t enough to make sales. Creating opportunities and connections and networking Creating connections, creating opportunities with other people, whether that’s as clients or collaborators or partnerships, sharing one another’s audiences, we’re creating opportunities through networking, through this social networking. So, there is a class which I will link to on three missions and a side quest, which talks more about this, just like the kind of the highest level archetypal almost functions of marketing. The first one being talk to more people, creating connections with more people.

The other hesitation that I see comes out all the time, and the main one that we’re going to focus on, because the first one is just like stop caring what other people think about you so much. But the one we’re going to shift today is what happens when people follow my social media and lead gen strategy, they’re creating leads through their social media content, and then they open these conversations, they get these new leads on their CRM, but almost immediately retreat, saying, “I don’t know what to say next. I don’t know how to make people feel comfortable. It feels so awful and so cringe. Should I say this? Should I say that? When do I pitch my offer? I feel so frozen about this.” So if this is you, let’s breathe together because I want to remind you that you absolutely do know how to have conversations that make people feel at ease, even in DMs. You do it, I dare say, all the time. You know how to ask things of people in a natural way, and the only reason that it’s eluding you right at this point is because it’s unfamiliar. It’s a new marketing task that you aren’t an expert at yet, so it’s unfamiliar. There’s that discomfort of being a beginner and because the stakes feel high. “I am not an expert at this and I need to make sales. This is it. I have a lead. I have a new person in my DMs and I need to convert them. I need to make this number of sales per month. It’s high stakes.” And that energy is a bit of a conversation killer.

I love the instinct. I love the instinct to move the conversation on and that’s what I’m talking about today and that’s how we’re using the DM strategy in general, is to move the conversation, the journey, on rather than waiting for it to happen by chance. We’re taking control of the customer journey. I am going to create some templates and worksheets linked to this video to lay out some of the messenger conversations, lay them out for you. I’m going to talk about a few different conversations that are really useful to have scripted so that you don’t need to put a great deal of thought or emotional energy into creating each one as it arises again and again. But like everything else in marketing, this is something that becomes easier and more fluent and fluid and natural and that you refine as you, you know, by doing it over time. We are doing this work with the intention that it becomes very normal and very natural for you to be having lots and lots of conversations with people who are interested in your work. It’s something that happens all the time every day. There are people messaging you and you are messaging people, and there’s just lots and lots of chatter behind the scenes about your work and about the ways people can work with you. And we’re going to create that buzz through action, intention, and attention because we know just like everything else, if this is what we give our focus to and we track our results with and we expect to work, if we give it our love and our time, the more it will grow and flourish. And we’re doing this because I guarantee, I guarantee that the more conversations any business is having with potential clients, the more sales they are making. Two identical businesses selling the same offer, if one is prioritizing conversations and connection, they’re the business that’s making more sales. It is all about connection, relationships, human networks. And this is really where small businesses like ours have the advantage, where the business owner still has the time and capacity because of the relatively small numbers involved to genuinely create those personal connections. The owner has time. The owner has the additional motivation that all of these conversations are whether they result in sales and money in the bank or not. They are all absolute gold of market research and learning about what your people are dealing with, what their challenges are, what their hopes and dreams are. It is all deepening relationships with people within your audience. And we’re going to do it in a way that also moves forward the people who are ready to buy now. They may only be 2% of your audience, but we definitely want to move those people on to make it possible for them to buy now. So when we’re talking about DM conversations, the first thing we need to do is stop thinking about pitching and sales for a moment. It is exciting to have new people on your CRM, new people joining your DM conversations. But I don’t want for your first instinct to be sell.

So there are, as I just mentioned, a very rare breed, 2% of people who may come into your DMs and say, “I’ve binge-watched all your stuff. I’m ready to work with you right now. Take my money.” And even when those people do come in, just think for a moment how you respond. The CEO, you, respond to somebody coming in and saying, “Take my money. I want us to work together.” It seems to me that most likely you would still have some initial questions for this person. If somebody comes into your DM saying, “I want to work together,” you are going to have some questions for them. How did you find me? Are we a fit? What are you hoping to get from working together? What are your priorities? Even somebody who’s ready to give you their money, you’re going to perform a kind of triage process with them so that you can make sure that your process exactly fits their needs or that you can, or that you’re going to be able to adjust your process if it’s a more bespoke thing. The point being, when you first meet somebody, you don’t know enough about their business yet to pitch them. So that’s the first mission, is to ask those clarifying questions, to triage, to diagnose what they’re going through and what kind of support they need. What are they looking for? How are they going to know when they found it? And what have they tried already? Now, the kind of questions you ask are going to depend very much on your niche and what your methodology is and how you help people to transform. But if you ask enough questions, there’s a sweet spot here. We want to avoid the feeling of an inquisition, but allowing for the natural flow of conversation unfolding over days, sometimes, weeks, sometimes. We want to keep it as short as possible, but you know, these things take time. If you ask enough questions, when it does become time to pitch, you will know exactly what this person needs and whether you are equipped and qualified to help them. So ask as many questions as you need to ask until you feel super confident that your methodology will help them. And then you feel really excited to tell them about whichever offer you’ve diagnosed is going to be the perfect fit for them. This is, it’s liberating, it’s exciting, it’s encouraging, it’s confidence-boosting to ask questions until it is so super clear that your offer is exactly what they need to the point that all you need to do is just lay out what it is that you’re going to cover with them and how it relates to everything that you’ve just been talking about. And you don’t need a script for this. There is no magic code for this. The only challenging part really is allowing it to unfold and not just kind of latching on to like, this is exciting, this is a lead, I’m going to hyper-fixate on this until they convert, okay? So this is, we have to give ourselves grace. If you are not already in the habit of DMing people in your audience every day, this, it feels very unfamiliar and this can be a real stunt on what feels like a natural conversation flow. But you do know how to make people feel appreciated. You do know what makes people feel good and seen. Slow down, breathe, take a moment to just like scan over the conversation you’ve previously had before you answered and look at the DM conversations you have had with business owners who have made you feel good. So I get messages from people who I have DM’d with saying, how is it that you can promote a live event or freebie and make me feel so delighted to be invited? And that’s not a secret or a copywriting secret or any particular like code or template. It’s just about slowing down a little bit, enough to look back at the conversation and also to be willing to move the conversation ahead, to be bold enough to lead somebody unapologetically toward the sale and also having a system for making sure that the conversations don’t die on me. This is the CRM that we’ve talked about in the program a number of times. I’ll give you a link to it. If you’re not tracking your leads in your CRM, that is where you’re leaving behind all the money. But using this system, you can have dozens, maybe even hundreds of conversations going on and don’t start freaking out about time management. This isn’t a problem that you need to worry about solving if your CRM is still 12 people. But suffice to say that by the time your CRM is unwieldy, your strategy will have evolved. So it’s not something that you even need to worry about. So you can be having lots and lots of conversations at the same time and yet still you are only pitching things that help people. You are only pitching things in a really transparent and non-manipulative way so that you can always feel good about the conversations that you’re having and the impact that you’re having through giving clarity and giving value even before people sign as clients. Now as I’m saying that, I have a word ringing in my head, boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. How do you stop giving, giving, giving and move people to sales? So I’m going to come back and talk about that. Make sure you’ve watched the class about setting up and keeping your CRM live. It is really, really important that you are tracking what happens there.

Why are we focusing on DMs? As I’ve just mentioned, you can have lots of them at the same time. I can probably update 20 or 30 DM conversations in an hour. I could have one or two sales calls in that same hour. The more people you are talking to, because you can talk to so many more people, the more insight, market insight you are getting into what your audience is telling you about what they are dealing with. Ultimately, you are networking more effectively, creating more opportunities. A list of people who you can personally invite to a live event, for example. It’s creating opportunities to circle back to the beginning, not waiting for other people to go first. When somebody joins your network, we’re giving them multiple opportunities to learn more about you and about your work. A really important piece of that is giving them the opportunity to connect with you personally. So the first and most simple message I want you to get used to sending out to everybody, everyone who accepts a friend request, everybody who sends, everybody who accepts a simple, “Hello, it’s great to be connected,” smiley face emoji. That’s it. If you get a response, fantastic. You are in conversation and you can put them on your CRM. It’s weird and cringe to message people like that emphatically. So what? So what if you get a couple of messages back from people saying, “Hmm, why do you want to connect? Why did you want to join my circle?” If the worst thing you do today is cause a split second of mild annoyance to somebody with a stick up their ass, you are doing incredibly well. Seriously, don’t give it a second thought. Other people’s opinions about you sending a friendly DM when you connect as friends are actually irrelevant. And we are not here to be about being cool. Okay. We have bigger concerns. We have bigger ambitions than avoiding upsetting anyone. And that includes being in charge of the journey that people take when they join our world. Okay. So when people find you and they’re excited and ready to buy, we’re not going to leave that to chance. So in the templates that I’m going to share with you, going with this video, I’m giving you a few different possible message conversations that I really strongly suggest you integrate into your daily marketing activities. If you’re ever, I spoke with a client today about what business tasks would you prioritize if you could only work five hours a day, or if you could only work four days a week, what tasks would you prioritize? And following up and maintaining and adding to these conversations has got to be up there. There’s just about nothing that’s more valuable of a use of your time than paying attention to these conversations. These are going to get you higher conversions than your email list, higher conversions than posting on your social media channel, higher conversions than a live event or webinar. This is literally your sales pipeline. And if your focus is to add to this number of ongoing conversations every week, there will always be money on the table and clients available for whatever you choose to promote. So the very first DM I would like you to get used to sending to everyone, new friend or connection to set the tone, let them know that by joining your world, you are going to be contacting them by DM. That’s how you roll. You roll that way because it’s easier to make sales that way than any other way. Okay. So for example, I had a client who made zero sales in the first three, four days of her launch with emails and sales page, big fat zero. We started a DM campaign and she closed 10K in the week before Christmas. And that was all through DM conversations. Yes, people were going to read her sales page, but they weren’t buying off her sales page. They were buying from the conversations last September. Another client sold seven spots on a 2K retreat, tiny audience, tiny email lists, and didn’t once post about it, not even one single time on social media. Just this was all done through warm DMs. So lead generation social media content, never actually promoting the retreat or the offer itself. And then following up through DM conversations, which are all mapped out for you. It doesn’t need to be complicated.

So conversation one, new connections. Conversation two, if you have a Facebook group, when people join your group, likewise, you can send them a message. You can offer them a freebie. Here’s an idea. So offer them a freebie, but instead of directing them to your email list, ask if you can message them with the freebie. Of course, you’re going to also message people who say no to the freebie. But what I’m pointing to you is to prioritize these conversations over emails. A lot of people get will run a lead generation process like this was. They’ll say, raise your hand if I can send you the PDF and the person raises their hand. And then instead of just sending them the PDF, we’ll then send them a link to a signup page. So that’s adding another step to the process for those people. Your conversions will go down. And it’s just cleaner and more like, I need to sneeze. But talking about the natural flow of conversation, if you say to somebody, hey, can I give you an invite to a party? To just give them the invite rather than to send them off to a page where they have to register and join an email list and get the thing. What I’m pointing to you towards is prioritizing the conversation. It is worth more to your business than an email address is. There will be ample opportunities down the line to get the email addresses from everybody who is in your CRM. But given the choice between keeping the interaction in your conversation or sending somebody away and ask them to do something else, every time you add a step to the process, you’re going to lose people. Your conversions are going to go down. So just keep it prioritize the conversations. Don’t worry about getting emails from everybody. That’s not the vibe. Serve in the DMs.

So let’s talk about another kind of DM conversation. I’m going to give you templates for these content-driven conversations, similar to the Lead Magnet funnel we were just talking about there. There’s a class on lead generation. I can send you the link. I’ll add the link when I edit this video. The last 20 minutes or so is all about social media lead generation specifically, which often includes a process for people to raise their hand for a freebie or details of a particular class or workshop or program. And obviously you’re going to be following up with those people. As I just said, we’re going to just send them the details directly. No requirement to sign up for anything. That cuts your work down too, because you don’t need to create the sign up page. You don’t need to create the email automation. You just drop them the PDF link right there in the DMs. So those conversations, people who raise their hand to ask for a particular lead magnet or raise their hand to ask for details about a specific offer, these are the people who we are thinking about moving towards a sales conversation. This has gone beyond “hi, it’s nice to meet you.” And we’ve gone through some clarifying questions.

We’re recognizing here a bit more of an opportunity to move into a sales conversation because they are already saying yes to your work in this capacity. So it’s actually very natural to follow up with them to move the conversation on. You will say, “hey, I’m messaging because you said you would like to see my freebie. Here it is.” And then we might offer them something else as well. “I also have a recorded class on that topic and you would be interested to see?” And then there will be a follow-up to invite people to talk more directly with you. “Would you like to know how I can support you with this work?” And it can stay in DMs. It doesn’t even need to move to Zoom for a sales conversation.

The next kind of conversation I want to talk about is a direct pitch. If you are validating an offer and you have a CRM, so you have conversations already underway with people, maybe you spoke to them in the last kind of week or month. If you have something new that you are validating, it is okay to ask people if you can pitch them your idea.

You may have a high ticket offer and two, three, five people in mind who you think it would be perfect for. It is okay to go into people’s DMs and say, for example, “Hi, we have had some conversations related to this thing in the past.” So I was thinking you might be interested in some details I’ve put together for a program that is going to allow you to XYZ. I would love if you would look it over, please may I send you the document?” You are allowed to do that. That is not cold pitching. That is thoughtful outreach. It’s very different from turning up uninvited, unannounced, a complete stranger in somebody’s messenger box who just sent you a friend request.

You don’t have to act awkward or hide the fact that you have an offer that you want to sell. You don’t have to pretend like you’re not in business. You don’t have to pretend that all your leads are inbound only. This is your job as a business owner to network and ask for the sale. Sometimes direct pitching is appropriate. Marketing and sales is not something that we need to shy away from and pretend that we don’t need to do. DM conversations are a key part of your outreach strategy. Every business needs an outreach strategy. Every growing business has an outreach strategy. I recommend DMing because it is so accessible. It is so efficient. It is so efficient in having so many people in one place that you can talk to kind of at scale.

A couple of things I need to add into here. One is: who this strategy is not good for. You can probably feel a part of you inside thinking this sounds like an awful lot of time and effort. And yes, it is. It takes a great deal of time and effort to turn leads into clients, which is part of the reason for the emphasis on having a highly profitable offer. If an hour of my time is worth, for example, $100 and if it takes, I don’t know what the number is, but let’s say for the sake of argument, if it takes me one full working day to convert on average one lead into a client, I don’t think it does. I think it’s far less than that, but let’s say it does, then each client would need to pay me at least double my daily rate in order for this to be profitable for me. So if I’m spending a day converting a lead into a client, if I’m spending a day to create every client and they’re only paying me $50, I’m going to go bust. They’re not paying me enough to keep going. So it needs to be a profitable offer. This is not a strategy that works for low ticket. You can sell low ticket if your plan is to upsell them to high ticket, but in that case, the math is different. You’re basing your profitability on an average customer value rather than on the low ticket item alone. So don’t use this if you don’t have a profitable offer, which makes you feel like you can afford to put time and energy into learning about your audience and pitching them a profitable offer. The other thing that I missed out and what was the alarm going off in my head? It was about boundaries.

Okay. So I’ve heard it described to me like this. If somebody raises their hand and would like to receive your PDF or your training or watch the replay of your masterclass or whatever it is, ask them some questions for context. This is going to be in the conversation template that I give you, but ask them some questions about what they’re going through and then save, serve them as if they were a client. Where that stops is if they start to behave as if they were a client. The key piece that I want you to remember is that you are leading the conversation and you are also training your audience on how to treat you on how to interact with you. So if that means shutting down a conversation, which is in danger of turning into free advice, and pitching a paid offer instead, that is exactly what you’ll do.

As with everything else here, there’s no code to make sure you never slip into that territory of over-serving, over-giving. It’s a very easy trap for us to fall into, especially if we were kind of brought up to please everybody and cause nobody any offense ever. So, and like so many boundaries, they kind of, we put them in place and enforce them when they’re tested. So it can be a kind of like painful, oh, I need a boundary here and all that boundary there, and oh, I need to tighten this up as time goes on. We’re not going to get it right at the very beginning. It’s not a reason to begin.