Today, I will give you my absolutely winning but also unorthodox method for dealing with anxiety around money.
The day before yesterday I was in an absolute pickle. Being tossed to and fro by worry, annoyance, even rage; unable to seize the reins and regain some balance. I gave myself an alchemical bath so full of salts, minerals, crystals, oils, it had the consistency more of a creamy soup than water. It helped.
Because as I floated I realised: all this turmoil was because I needed to make a large payment.
My financial situation is familiar to many freelancers and other consultants, with my bank balance veering between “make it rain” and “definitely going bankrupt”. At the top end I deeply enjoy making purchases, even (as a committed socialist) settling tax bills.
But when the number of digits grows lower, I develop a peculiarly hoarding attitude. I resent spending a single penny. I can’t bear to see the balance going down. I become possessive. Grasping.
It’s a feeling of constriction…
“Constriction, you say Anna?” Yes, a feeling of trapped-ness, a breathless quality, I can’t move properly. “Hm, breathless? Would you say it feels like being squeezed?” Yes, it’s tight and frightening. I can’t relax. “I wonder… would it be similar to the sensation of being encased in some kind of unyielding contraption? Maybe, for example, a corset?”
Do you remember what we spoke about on Monday (the picture of me looking cross in a pink robe)? About loving every part even the unlovable, and finding the pleasure in the least loved emotions?
Well it transpires that lacing oneself into a corset before making large payments adds an entirely new slant on the situation. There’s money magic.
But, by all means, light a green candle if you prefer…
